TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according
tolights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband
along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror--make mental note-must
do more sit-ups.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth,leg cloth, long loofah,wide
loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with
natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come
Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide
to get it waxed instead.
Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose
the water pressure.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with
Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas
and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
1. Take off clothes while sitting
on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If
you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the
3. Look at your manly physique in
the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire
the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth
(you don't use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Blow your nose in your hands, then
let the water just rinse it off.
9. Crack up at how loud your fart
sounds in the shower.
10. Majority of time is spent washing
your privates and surrounding area.
11. Wash your butt, leaving those
coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
12. Shampoo your hair (do not use
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Peek out of shower curtain to
look at yourself in the mirror again.
15. Pee (in the shower).
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower.
Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging
out of the tub the whole time.
17. Partially dry off.
18. Look at yourself in the mirror,
flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.
19. Leave shower curtain open and
wet bath mat on the floor.
20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
21. Return to the bedroom with towel
around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake
wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again.
22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take
2 minutes to get dressed again.