-
If you are ignoring the skirmish in front of you,
convinced it is a feint, it will turn out to be the
main assault.
-
Your ability to locate a speed loader for your clips
will depend on whether someone is shooting at you.
-
Tracers work both ways.
-
In the absence of cigarettes and chow there is always
coffee.
-
The best way to tell if a patrol will be dangerous
is when the new Second Lieutenant tells you no activity
is to be expected.
-
When you want it done wrong, tell the new 2nd Lt to
do it.
-
The most dangerous thing in the military is a brand
new 2nd Lt with a map, a flashlight and some vague
notion of something to do.
-
The best man between a private and a 2d Lt is the
private. At least he knows where the latrine is.
-
In Garrison, it takes eight forms and six approvals
up through the battalion commander to get a sign painted.
In the field, it takes one private, a magic marker,
and the the bottom of an MRE box.
-
The number of bullets you fire to scare the enemy
depends on how scared you are. (variant: The number
of bullets you actually hit the target with, depends
on how many targets are shooting back.)
-
The fastest way to get a leave disapproved is to be
truly indispensable.
-
Signal flares warn the enemy you're about to start
shooting.
-
Star shells illuminate the enemy so you can see them,
unfortunately they can see YOU TOO.
-
Medical kits never have what you need.
-
Suppressive fire doesn't.
-
If you are truly frightened on the battlefield, when
it comes time to dig one, you won't have the time
to dig a cathole.
-
The fastest way to draw an enemy attack is to run
low on ammo.
-
You know who your friends really are if they'll look
up your butt for a tick. (No joke there.)
-
If you're a Administrative Sergeant, you know you
have it made when the Major has to make coffee for
you, because the General wants you to make sure the
paperwork is right. (There's a true story behind that
one.)
-
Variant: A Colonel can be fired by a Corporal, if
the General says so. (There's a true story behind
that one too.)
-
Setting a booby-trap in retreat is a sure bet that
you'll have to try to disarm it during the counter-attack
so your own men don't set it off.
-
The fastest way to be put on KP is to complain about
the food.
-
Army food is always a source of humor...since nobody
can cry and vomit forever.
-
The idea of an Army is to train tough men to kill.
The Department of War won every war it fought. Today,
the idea is to train ladies and gentlemen to do it.
Is it any wonder the Department of Defense has never
won a war? (Duh?)
-
If the enemy is in range, so are you!
-
Friendly
fire isn't.
-
Military intelligence is a contradicory term
-
Whenever your in a foxhole it always happens to be
with someone braver than yourself.
-
The artillery always falls short of the target and
the air support always overshoots the target.
-
Please keep in mind, your weapon was manufactured
by the lowest bidder.
-
When does the enemy attack? whenever your not ready.
-
Who is always the first person to get shot? the medic.
-
The delay of your close air support is directly proportional
to the size of the enemy mortar. (submitted by AndreAtlan)
-
It's not the bullet with your name on it you have
to worry about, but the one addressed: "To Whom It
May Concern" (Submitted by Mike Sappington)
The next 11 were submitted by Carroll
Martin IT3(CC)
-
5 people with 5 compasses will have 5 LZ's with the
same coordinates. By adding in multiple maps the number
rises geometricly.
-
The distance traveled of any OTH mission that begins
at night increases as the sun comes up.
-
Friendly fire isn't.
-
Lone snipers generally work in pairs.
-
10 men at 2 beers apeice equals 15 cases.
-
If lost in the woods with a grunt, a sqid and a flyboy,
always follow the sailor. The soldier wants to go
to high ground for vantage point and the flyboy wants
to sit and wait for retrieval, but a sailor just like
water will follow gravity down to a point that there
is generally water, which means a large clearing for
better vantage and easier retrieval.
-
The time to consider ammo and fire discipline is before
your short on bullets.
-
If it's stupid and it works it aint stupid.
-
Only superman could go faster than a bullet, and your
only invulnerable until your not.
-
The safest place to be in combat is somewhere else,
barring that then be on the winning side.
-
The winner never has defend against war crimes.
(the following were
submitted by Michael Lousha)
-
All
five second fuses last 3 seconds.
- The
simple things are always hard.
- The
easy way is always mined
-
If you are short of everything except enemy, you are
in combat.
- Incoming
fire has the right of way.
- When
you have finished securing an area, don't forget to
tell the enemy.
- No
combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
- Things
that must go together to work, usually can't be shipped
together.
- Body
Count Math: 2 guerillas plus one portable plus 2 pigs
= 37 enemy KIA.
- Anything
you do can get you killed - including nothing.
- The
only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is
incoming friendly fire.
- If
you make it tough for the enemy to get in, you can't
get out.
- If
you take more than your fair share of objectives, you
will be given more than your fair share of objectives
to take.
- When
both sides are convinced they are about to lose, they
are both right.
- Professional
soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
- Murphy
was a grunt.
- If
an advance is going better than you planned, your walking
into an ambush
(submitted by Jake M.)
- 50,
50, 90 Means if you have a 50/50 choice to make, 90%
of the time you'll chose wrong. Old Navy saying.
(Wes Miller
)
The next four were submitted by R. McDonough
- The
Three most dangerous sayings in the Army... 3. When
a Lt. says "It's been my experiance that....." 2. When
a Captian says "Ok, I've made a decision" 1. When a
Warrent Officer says "Hey....watch this....."
-
When ever you dump equipment before going into combat
that you don't need....you will need it. (Like the boys
who went to rescue the downed helicopter in Semolia,
who dumped their night vision goggles because it was
daytime....oops, the battle lasted into the night.)
- The
worst place to be standing in battle is next to a 2nd
Lt.
- Always
go into battle with a buddy. It give the enemy someone
else to shoot at.
- What
can’t go wrong will find a way to do so, given half
a chance. (Giles Robertson)
- Cover
from bullets is never cover from artillery. (Giles
Robertson)
- If
you are forward of your position, enemy artillery will
fall short. (J.Buchan)
-
Having severed in both Naval Aviation and Army Airborne
Infantry, this is one thing that I concluded: According
to Naval Aviation doctrine: If the engines are running,
stay in it. According to Army Airborne doctrine: When
you get altitude, leave. (Michael W. Preston
)
- Murphy's
First Law of Aviation. The most important information
on a map will be located on a fold, witch is torn. (Joseph
Martinez
)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Got any other Murphy experiences from the military?
E-mail them
to me and I'll include them.
